Hold your head high, heavy heart.

Making it through a foreign country alone for half a year does not equate to being able to make it through everything alone, but if I could do it once, Im sure I'll be able to do it again. Im just sore and upset that I let this happen yet again. Do you know how much it hurts to know after giving so much that you're still not enough?

One too many lessons learnt. Never settle for someone who doesnt want to settle for you, Jill.

Things I cannot be more thankful for:

1. As superficial as it is to top my list, wifi. I no longer have to luge my laptop down to the shitty pool in my apartment to snitch on someone else's password whilst feeding the mozzies late at night. Instead here I am, snug in my bed.
     
2. My nice cosy home, and by home I dont just mean this flat. I mean family. Sure there's a lot I guessed I missed out on while I was away but we're still together and that is all that matters.
      
3. A great job. Albeit temporary and sometimes fluctuating hours, it pays (so) well and Im so thankful I've actually found something I like doing.
       
4. My sore gluts and aching hamstrings. I still cannot believe Ezza hooked me up with contact training. God knows how much I miss playing rugby. There's so much for me to keep up with but I will train hard.
        
5. Getting down to applying for Uni. Regardless of whether it is the best time, best course or best reason; but the fact that I did it independently because I decided to do it.
       
6. My food baby. I love food and there will come a time very soon (tomorrow morning) where I have to stop binge eating but that will be on my own accord, and deep down I am thankful that I know I can afford to eat whatever I want because Im not broke and Im not unhealthily obese either.
        
7. Actually being enough for once to be pampered silly for the past two weeks.
       
8. Knowing not everyone changes with time / distance. The friends that matters most are still the lovely annoying bunch even though I've missed out on so much the past half a year.
       
9. Remembering to count my blessings and having the wisdom to know who deserves a share of mine, however much it will hurt initially.