unsteady

"Sometimes you need to stray before you realise you want to be home."

I looked you in the eye because you did not get it. "What if I dont want to go home?", I threw your analogy back at you. I see your face fall. I think you finally get it.

I thought I had it all figured out too. I did not.

Whatever that was, was never was home. This though; you make me feel like home.

I dont know what I'd do without you.

fine lines

I will not miss the sting I feel biting down the insides of my cheek during the times I have tried to surprise you with a meal and hearing you insist how much better your cooking is. (It really isn't.)

I will not miss the disappointment I felt each time I bought you a gift - insignificant or practical, something you have dropped repeated hints on or something you would have needed - and your reaction falls short of appreciative. 

I will not miss feeling torn when you speak badly of someone who matters to me. I will not miss shutting my mouth instead of putting you in your place because I am just too tired for yet another physically hurtful fight. 

I will not miss feeling insufficient. That your ever changing wave of "friends" deserves more than I do and that I was never worth a future with.

I will not miss feeling unaccomplished despite slogging my way through to two promotions, but you feel bitter because of your lack of. 

I will not miss the time you raised your voice at my father. Nor all the times afterwards he walks away when you are around. I will not miss the guilt I feel putting my family through your nonsense. 

I will not miss cringing everytime an argument with you gets heated and I feel your fingers digging into my arms. I will not miss the shock I feel the times you crossed the line and shoving turned into something worse. 

I will not miss the sinking feeling in my chest the time I accidentally found out you secretly took pictures of me while I was fast asleep, naked.  

I will not miss how much I really fucking despised you when you forced yourself on me. 

There are so much more I would not miss and so much more why walking away from you was so, so easy but to sum this all up; I will not miss you loving me. You never did.