The fault lies with no one that university fees are high, bills have to be paid and coincidentally, the little sister starts Poly this year. I still am grateful for many things. But truth is, I am tired. It's quite a shitty feeling, to feel defeated even before we've barely started.
Sometimes I wish someone would come up to me and tell me to ditch the front because while I may think it is doing everyone good, it isn't doing me much good. I feel all kinds of exhausted, I don't even know what is happening any more. Self-preservation has never felt lonelier.
I guess this wasn't what I was quite expecting after Langkawi. It is one thing being in a different country and loneliness comes as a part of the package. It is a completely different thing being around so many people all at once and feeling nothing but genuinely small and empty.
There's a saying somewhere that patience isn't defined by the amount of time you've waited, but your attitude while you're waiting.
Maybe I'm running out of patience.
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