high and dry

Sometimes despite how mundane some things may appear, when you keep at it for long enough, it slowly becomes familiar. And I've always caved for all things familiar.

My emotions fluctuate from content to beyond rock bottom sometimes. Familiar is miles away and often I feel like shit. I feel like caving and demanding to go back because maybe deep down, I hate pretending I dont fear the bugs here, I hate feeling alone and vulnerable, I hate the fluctuating weather and I hate my control, or lack of, over my fluctuating emotions. Sometimes I wake up and I forget Im not in Singapore and I spend a good 5 minutes, lying in bed getting over that longing ache in my chest. 

I am impulsive by nature. I say and do what I decide I'd like to. I am whiny, I need to be cajoled sometimes and more than I like to, I am needy. But I cannot be all of these here. I cannot completely be myself here. It's more than missing out on my family and friends. I feel like Im missing out on myself. 

Trust me when I say Im trying. But it would be very nice to have someone familiar around. And yes, preferably with tau huey. (<- pathetic attempt at trying to make this less depressing. I deserve some credit)