maybe I don't deserve you

How can two people be in a relationship for so long and still fuck up so bad over the minute of details?

Everyone's caring for someone tonight and I just wanted you to give a little more than two fucks for me. Granted I won't need you to get me home. Granted Im as tough as I seem and I'll always find a way. Granted I said I don't want your time I just need to know I cross your mind. Granted I'm sober. I'm sorry I'm greedy and selfish but sitting on the curb alone right now waiting for a cab to get me home isn't the best feeling in the world. I don't want you to tell me to get home safe. I want you to get me home safe.

I could be drunk and I would be missing you. But I'm perfectly sober right now. And I still find myself missing you.

if you fall asleep down by the water,

Beer (however little) - Wine - Bourbon - Tequila - Bourbon - Vodka, does not make a good sequence. Or a combination for that matter. Add in a cab ride because you decide to club hop and no surprise there, my first 20 minutes in Mink was spent over the toilet, hurling.

Anyway, school's out. Which explains the ridiculous drunk behaviour (and tweets, sadly) above. Social networking media will be the death of me. I'd ditch it but why so addictive...

On a rawer note, mama (grandma) took a bad fall and has been in the hospital for awhile now. The past few visits were heart dropping because when I tried to sign in, the nurses told me "this patient is not in the ward anymore". Turned out to be on the great end of the spectrum because she's been moved from ICU to high dependency and now a normal ward. Really, really wish she gets well enough to send me off.

So, basically, apart from that night out on Wednesday, I've been home mugging and shuffling to the hospital. Imma take a break today, because Im craving for too many things. But so. lonely. alone. at. home.  :<

If love's a labour, I'll slave till the end

Today was ridiculous.

Too many farewells for one day. The juniors were such dears, planning a surprise for the class. Im sure I speak for everyone when I say I was honestly really touched by their efforts.

My last touch training also happened today. Crazy amount of dives. I think I went overboard with the idea of  not getting astroburns for a long long while. Made playbooks for the juniors and re-reading their tweets and messages now, Im being rather emotional. :{

I honestly thought I got over the whole playing thing. Apparently not. I will miss the team so dearly, even more than the sport itself. That said, Im extremely proud to have played alongside everyone and be a part of Rainbows. ♥

Also had a minor scare with the air tickets to Langkawi for a bit both yesterday and today. But with everything, I just want to forget IIP for awhile and hold onto the notion that if I wish hard enough, time would stop for awhile.

Currently feeling slightly more snug in bed, having someone to talk to. Please dont stop till I fall asleep.

Attention versus Affection

Its times like these when Im up past my usual weekday bedtime (body clock of a kid sometimes, I swear) attempting to finish school related responsibilities and meeting deadlines while feeling extremely worn out from touch, that I just cant wait to get out of here.

My gluts are being a complete bitch. My ribs are itching. My knees are sore. I've a cut on my face from the friendly just now and albeit small, it stings. I havent had more than 5 hours of sleep each night for the past week. Im fucking hungry, I just realised I had one meal the entire day. Also PMSing. So Im feeling as pathetic as I probably can get.

A little more than 5 weeks now. Im dont mind Langkawi for 6 months actually. What I mind is leaving my family and friends. Sometimes I wish I could stuff people in my pockets and just carry them everywhere I go. But that's about it.

Ugh. I hate how Im always so stubborn and ambitious. And how hard I try sometimes. Not an overstatement to say Im too tiny for all my whims and fancies. Really.
.
lesigh. Silly Jilly.