EPICMEALTIME CAKE

Post Note: Extremely tummy splitting cake. This is a cake for real men, not dainty sparkly fairies-unicorns-ponies-andallthingspretty sweet sixteen parties. Also, this is a good time to further reinforce the fact that Jill, contrary to popular belief, does not believe in "healthy" eating and this is the epitome of "too tiny for the amount I eat". 

Post Post Note: I am also blogging while very sick so this might come off angsty-er than usual. 

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If you didn't already know, it was BIG KEEF'S 20th and I made him a meat cake!

Because all good things are wild and free, here's my fucking crazy recipe of a cake, totally complimentary. :>  Also I strongly believe good things are meant to be shared and trust me when I say an actual male will love this so much more than that pretty little cupcake you spent hours rolling sparkly blue heart shaped fondants for. (But of course he'll say he loves whatever you make him)

Wont deny this was a inspired by Meatloaf Cake but celery, peas and oats?! Nuuuuhhhhh. A meat cake should be made up of meat (and onions and garlic and cheese but only because). And bacon, nuff said.

Recipe under the cut!

Jillybean's Meat Cake! 

• 900g of ground meat. (Use whatever the fuck you want. I used beef, turkey and chicken) 
• 300g of minced beef (MUST!)
• 600g of some other ground meat. (Use whatever the fuck you want. Double/triple the beef if you wanna, I used turkey and chicken) 
• 6 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
• 1 whole yellow onion, finely chopped
• Cheese (I used mozzy, cheddar and parmesan! "Perfect Italiano" has a good "pizza mix" with 3 different types of cheese inside that you can find at most supermarkets.)
• Salt and Pepper
• Your Choice of Herbs! I used Oregano, thyme and rosemary.
• OPT: Malt Whiskey/ Beer / Wine

For the Mash Frosting

• Milk
• Butter
• Whole Garlic Cloves
• 2 bags of potatoes (about 14) was a little too much so idk maybe 10 would suffice. But better too much than too little.
• Salt and pepper

For the BACON

• Bacon, always streaky. 
• Salt
• Brown Sugar (not white, light brown, icing, fine, or whatever else not brown)

Method

1. Preheat oven to 250 °C
2. Mix all the meat, garlic, onion, herbs and cheese well. 
3. SEASON GENEROUSLY! - I used a splash (understatement) of chinese wine but I think some Daniels would be good too!
4. Divide equally into 3 baking dishes. To save time, use disposable aluminium baking dishes. 
5. Bake for 25mins! (3 x 9inch tins) Wider the tins, lesser the timing. 

For potatoes

1. Bring a pot of salt water to boil.
2. Scrub and peel potatoes. Quart them.
3. When water has boiled, add potatoes in. 
4. Cover for 18mins
5. Drain potatoes. 
6. Heat butter and milk to simmer. (Ratio of butter to milk, 3 tbsp : 1 cup) 
7. *Add crushed whole garlic cloves in. Added flavour. Optional*
8. Using a potato masher, mash potatoes while adding the butter-milk mixture. 
9. Make sure it doesnt become runny!
10. Season!

For Bacon

1. Lay single layer of bacon on baking tray.
2. Layer with salt and brown sugar
3. Bake at 180 °C for 15mins
4. Remove and drain on baking rack (or it'll become soggy with oil! :< ) 

To Assemble

1. Meat patty 
2. Sauce (I used instant prego meatball sauce)
3. Thin layer of mash
4. Repeat till 3rd layer. 
5. Cover the entire thing with mash. Neaten corners. 
6. TOP WITH BACON!!!!!

Best served while still hot or at least warm. Home made mash tends to dry out and become hard.