Here comes a feeling you thought forgotten

"You're a book written in ten languages.

All beautiful, but none I understand."

Had some actually rather legit bubble tea two days back. In between sipping from my ice cold cup of goodness and making a mental note to give stalls here more credit than I sub-consciously offer, I genuinely felt contented and happy.

Christmas is coming, all too soon, and it is quite hard to be looking forward to celebrating Christmas when you know you'll be working, in a Muslim country and away from home. Im having none of the ridiculous amount of ham, home cooked food, Orchard road light ups, present buying, card making and baking. It's always hard when you think you've settled down enough and something like this crops up and sets you on a roller coaster ride of nostalgia and yearning.

On the bright side, there is always chicken ham and I could very well still bake something if I want to. Plus Im sure no one would say no to presents. Hahaha, I think adopted optimism quite well but I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Also, IM HALFWAY THROUGH HALF A YEAR! Work has been extremely rewarding. I, honestly, love everything new. Meeting the loveliest, kindest and funniest guests around and being spoilt silly, being able to have really good food more often than I deserve.

But home is still my favourite...

high and dry

Sometimes despite how mundane some things may appear, when you keep at it for long enough, it slowly becomes familiar. And I've always caved for all things familiar.

My emotions fluctuate from content to beyond rock bottom sometimes. Familiar is miles away and often I feel like shit. I feel like caving and demanding to go back because maybe deep down, I hate pretending I dont fear the bugs here, I hate feeling alone and vulnerable, I hate the fluctuating weather and I hate my control, or lack of, over my fluctuating emotions. Sometimes I wake up and I forget Im not in Singapore and I spend a good 5 minutes, lying in bed getting over that longing ache in my chest. 

I am impulsive by nature. I say and do what I decide I'd like to. I am whiny, I need to be cajoled sometimes and more than I like to, I am needy. But I cannot be all of these here. I cannot completely be myself here. It's more than missing out on my family and friends. I feel like Im missing out on myself. 

Trust me when I say Im trying. But it would be very nice to have someone familiar around. And yes, preferably with tau huey. (<- pathetic attempt at trying to make this less depressing. I deserve some credit)

(I think I made you up inside my head)

It's safe to say I've settled in. My days have been a crazy blur of the repetitive wake up|work|sleep cycle and then throw in days like yesterday and today, where I've days off, and it comes to this abrupt halt of too much free time of doing nothing.

As much as I miss home still, I actually quite like staying alone. The thing about missing out on something that was once a norm is you get to rediscover it's depleted worth. Never again will I neglect the fact or doubt that Singapore is indeed a food haven. Or shun funky smelling, sardine-packed commuters in public transport. But as with every single speck in this universe - missing out, lost or cherishing - things change. I've never felt further away from everyone I deem significant in my life. Sometimes I want to call but I dont know what to say because 'I miss you' cheapens how I feel and it simply does not suffice.

That said, it has only been a month. I am almost very certain 5 more months will fly by and before I know it, I'll be back home, right where I belong in my snug bed, and maybe who knows, I might be missing Langkawi then.

"My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations"

What's not to love in Langkawi:

1. Generally, very friendly people. I have the most helpful and friendly colleagues here (generally) and I haven't yet decided if the rest of the locals realised we're not tourists anymore. 
2. Cheap fags and booze.
3. Kittens! They are so whiny for strays. 
4. Not humid. Its mostly cold here because of the rain, but humidity is probably the last thing I miss about Singapore. 
5. Teow Soon Huat Duty Free. The local supermart 5 minutes away that has everything from food, kitchenware, 23 ringgit bathtubs, clothes, undies, booze, fags, shoes, perfume and chocolates.
6. Mamat stalls. Aka prata shops. Prata here is a whole new level of crispy and basically the epitome of all pratas. (Im guessing India will be the only place that can top this).
7. The laid back lifestyle. 
8. 24 hour KFCs

What I still need a whole lot of adapting to: 

1. Distance.
2. Wifi. Shit wifi. Shit reception. Especially when there's a storm. 
3. The weather fluctuates from cold to freezing to fucking north pole within minutes. 
4. I know Im an intern but sometimes, people need to think better of me because there is no way I paid for 2.5 years of education specialising in hotel management for nothing. 
5. Slipping at work and landing on my ass. To the amusement of everyone but me. 
6. No trainings. 
7. I eat curry everyday. ):
8. Wild animals. And creeps. 

Basically Langkawi has been a bunch of surprises, from 1.20 ringgit nasi lemak to the animals to the amount of times Oppa Gangnam Style is played (which is too fucking much, everyone needs to stop). Albeit the cold weather, I have sufficient fuzzy moments like having someone run in the rain to get me a towel to dry off at work, skype calls and goodnight messages. 

As always, I send my love and misses and I hope everyone is doing great back at home. x

あなたがいなくて寂しい

home is where the heart is

Holla from Langkawi! Had a relatively smooth flight, not so smooth goodbye and a rather nice welcome.

Definitely not what I had expected but I more or less am starting to feel comfy in my apartment here. Life here is so different from Singapore. Its just day 2 and I've 6 more months but Im already missing home! While I'm glad to be out of the hustle and bustle of city life, I still have a long way to go to get used to so much tranquility.

The thing about time alone is that you tend to think more. Can't wait for work to start so I get my mind off things. Love the fact that booze and fags are extremely cheap here (seriously guys, heaven could highly be in the form of liquor and tobacco stores here) and that everyone is really friendly and helpful. Abielt the kampung setting, I can get just about everything I need.

The downside is the rainy season. 1. Shit load of insects. I try to act tough but the variety and amount scares me sometimes. 2. Roomie is down with fever cos we ran in the rain yesterday.I hope I don't fall ill too ugh. 3. Being cooped up in bed while its pouring makes me miss being cuddled with a smelly someone.

I know I sound far from being independent / self sufficient but its really different to be in Singapore missing one of me while I'm here alone (kinda) missing everyone so badly. But trust me when I say I'm tryingggg ~ Hope all's well back at home. I send all my love!

My week in pictures

1. Sentosa with the boys and the girlfriends. 
2. Zouk!
3. leshopping and fucking jabs with lepiggy
4. Zhi Char with my fav teammies + Salted Caramel + Broke my instagram virginity
5. Amanda's really sweet card + cupcakes which were so delicious
6. Kevin's chalet. Which was actually quite epic. 
7. Seoul Garden with Jul and Aqilah
8. Sushi buffet with sis right after. Which was an epic failure on our part. 
9. Salted Caramel Frap with my dad just. He frowns upon starbucks actually cos "coffee at a kopitiam is just 80 cents plus add salt free". 

So fucking glad I met everyone I did. I love you all for making time. I know I get ridiculously impulsive and make impromptu meetups plus Im often late, I really, really do appreciate the fact you all make time for me. Will miss every single one of you guys. Stay safe and be good. I'll send my love (and skype details) from Langkawi once I figure if there is wifi there. See you all in March. xx

Where you invest your love, you invest your life

9 more days to Langkawi and all I can say is blessed is an understatement. Im not sure if it is because Im leaving but the realisation of "missing out" on my family, friends and loved ones kinda made me more aware of the little (and big) things.

The past few weeks was either really, really lovely home-cooked meals by my mom or impromptu cravings with my dad after visiting my grandma like squid ink pasta and ramen monster. I wish I was half as good a cook as my mom sometimes, and if you actually know me, you'd know that's alot.

Also, after my last paper on Monday, my touch girls threw a surprise farewell chalet for me. They were beyond lovely, and I was so touched. Still am, just thinking about it makes me feel all fuzzy inside again. I wish the night ended better, but nonetheless, every little bit of effort from everyone made me extremely glad and I am really blessed to have such lovely friends. Love you Rainbows. ♥

I am however, feeling extremely under the weather right now. Headed to Mink for Jon and Priscillia's birthday last night sick and woke up, inevitably feeling like crap. Couldnt taste my drinks, dinner nor fags. Hahahaha. But it was a fun night. And someone was such a sweetheart, trimming the crust off my sandwiches and (force)feeding me and later on in the night being extremely patient with my runny nose and nasal whining, so I cant really complain. (;

Sentosa with the boys on Saturday and Zouk after. I hope I get better in time! Cant fucking wait.

"You know the nigger is a keeper when he lets you wipe your nose on his shirt."